So I have seen a few films lately notably ‘Iron Man‘, ‘The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian‘, and as of this moment I am watching ‘In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale‘.  It seems like all of these movies should have been good. Two of them were one of them not so much.

With a cast which includes two of my favorite actors: Jason Statham and Claire Forlani and a number of actors who are skilled and gifted. The list includes John Rhys-Davies, Burt Reynolds, Ron Perlman and Matthew Lillard. These are actors who know what they are about, these are convincing actors. People who play believable roles.  Suddenly though the ar playing idiotic roles in an idiotic film. Lets see where to begin:

Silly little problems like accents that come and go. Matthew Lillard can’t act it seems. He USED to be able to but now it seems he has lost the ability to do so. He has an accent, then he doesn’t. Claire Forlani is british but she does an amazingly good American accent,, which is silly because Jason Statham has a british accent. what the hell.

Main villain Gallian, played by Ray Liotta, is unbelievable as anything other than a Las Vegas lounge singer. But I am annoyed because his name is Gallian and he is the villain. Apparently someone played Lunar. Also the main character is named Farmer? really? who thought THAT was  good idea?

Also, the leader of an Empire is an Emperor. Since Matthew Lillard’s character referred to ‘imperial law’ then shouldn’t the leader be an emperor? Then why do they keep calling him a king?

Okay I know it was based on a book so not all of it can be the directors fault, but the acting is sort of the directors fault right? I mean that is his job to prevent the acting from being terrible right? so why didn’t he? okay,,, now we have elves cirque du soleiling out of the trees. more on this crap film when it is over.

Prince Caspian was ALSO based on a book but was done well. The whole thing was a bit contrived and hackneyed toward the end but ultimately it was alright. I have nothing else to say about it other than it’s a rental and nothing more, oh also the mouse was awesome.

Iron Man, where to begin. It was good, I think that the recent slew of marvel movies will be a boon to comic books and comic book based films.  It seems that the bar has been raised, I would say that Batman was responsible but it is hard to be sure. Now it seems that Marvel stepped up to the plate and picked up the gauntlet and a number of other mixed metaphors. The beauty of this particularar pissing contest is: we all win!

One last note about ‘In the Name of the King’ If you are smart enough to cast Claire Forlani in a film you would be wise to make her a lead. or at least make sure she is in more than the first 30 minutes. Ms. Forlani is the best reason to see any film she is in. verdict remains: Uwe Boll is a moron.

If a sword is stuck in the ground it wont be sharp enough to slice a throat or a rope. I hate it in movies when people stick swords in the ground. I know broad swords aren’t sharp but come on. Also you don’t fence with a broad sword. You just don’t. To heavy and slow and its not built right. I mean you CAN do it, you can also make a minivan run a 12 second quarter mile. The thing is if you have a broad sword, use it like a broad sword, break limbs, cleave flesh. if you have a rapier use is like a rapier, move quickly pierce armour and slash exposed skin. Don’t these people know anything?

Okay last complaint about fantasy films. I know the whole sword and sorcery thing was pretty well defined by Tolkien but come on you could have SOME original THOUGH right? I mean just because the genre was defined by a particularar piece of work doesn’t mean you have to imitate it every chance you get.

Okay why am I still watching this shit movie? Two words: Claire Forlani.

Seriously though I have bad mouthed it but it has a FEW things going for it (Claire Forlani being the main one) the daughter of the Magus is depicted as a strong willed, skilled with magic as well as the sword. Unfortunately the actress, Leelee Sobieski, is somewhat painful to look at. Burt Reynolds plays a good emperor, John Reys-Davies is a good Magus, and Jason Statham plays an excellent bad ass. Claire Forlani is awesome no matter what she does. Also her name is Solana, I named a character in a story Solana long before this film came about.

Okay Laundry is done. So is this disjoint post.